“It’s not just doing something to help it’s also saying, this is wrong. If you see thousands of people dying in the sea – trying to get to fortress Europe…”
Protested Julia Armstrong, trade unionist and long-standing journalist for the Sheffield Star.
On the 18th June, 2016, a convoy to Calais massed at the French border, carrying supplies and solidarity to those inside the notorious ‘jungle’ migrant camp at Calais, France – only to be turned away.
As the convoy and protests erupted 5 days before the UK voted to leave the EU – eclipsed by shifting political sands, followed by a US election which paralleled the shock of Britain’s Brexit, what has become of those who inhabited ‘the jungle’ some 5 months on?
Leading from the London rally preceding the convoy, Ms. Armstrong detailed the unfolding events of the convoy, with people meeting from the north and south, eventually congregating in the car park close to the Dover border – it was suspected the convoy could encounter a roadblock and it did, the French authorities, refusing to let anyone through.
According to Armstrong, the reason given by the French border patrol was: “Something about public order/disorder which there was none of, the intention was to have a peaceful protest outside the camp.”
In autumn, with the jungle dismantled and its inhabitants dispersed, it’s Sangatte (a pre-jungle migrant camp from 1999 to 2002), to the jungle, the jungle to where?
As migrants are moved to Caos: various processing centres throughout France; to Cadas: places for asylum applications, the capacity of centres, let alone the unwelcoming of communities, yields uncertainty and hostility for beleaguered migrants.
At the epicentre of the mass-migration which has seismically riveted from wars in Syria, Iraq and other war zones, wave after wave of migrants continue to crash onto European shores – many perishing in the sea.
According to the BBC, The International Organization for Migration (IOM) estimates that more than 1,011,700 migrants arrived by sea in 2015, and almost 34,900 by land.
135,711 migrants arrived to European shores by seas alone, in the beginning of 2016.
Germany had the highest number of migrants in 2015 – around a million, Hungary came in second place and Sweden was close behind, as the UK had a meagre 60 applications against 100,000 of its population, according to the BBC report.
Meanwhile, in a now post-Brexit Britain, where the issue of immigration is never far from Brexit debates within the public domain, the seemingly barely concealed face of racism has appeared from behind a thin veil, in what could be deemed a fresh mandate of post-Brexit hate crime.
Robert Spooner, former chairman for Assist Sheffield, a small organisation helping to resettle refugees and asylum-seekers said: “I think the debate about Brexit has changed the attitude toward immigrants – they are scapegoats.”
“On the other hand, there is still a lot of feeling arisen from this baby washed up on the shore of Turkey which caused a huge increase in people wanting to help.” Spooner said.
“It’s not just doing something to help it’s also saying, this is wrong. If you see thousands of people dying in the sea – trying to get to fortress Europe – dying in various ways or places, horrendous things happening to people.” Ms. Armstrong said.
Despite the recent shock referendum result, the hostile environment created by the Home Office and other pillars of UK government, is nothing new.
According to an Independent exclusive The government has been forced to pay £14M to 573 people wrongly detained over three years, in squalid and harsh conditions.
In recent years the number of refugees has risen to 32,400 in the UK.
Under the current Tory government, terms are about to get tougher,.
The article points out, the UK has the largest immigration detention estate in Europe. Yet as the BBC figures show the UK takes on the least amount of asylum cases.
Spooner said: “There’s no refugee crisis as such, because the numbers arriving here are small and the ones most able to get here, are the ones most likely to develop our country in a positive way.” He carried on emphasising the nasty approach taken by UK immigration, designed to deter settlement here.
However, a Home Office spokesman (name not supplied) maintains: “Detention is an important part of a firm but fair immigration system, helping to ensure that those with no right to remain in the UK are returned to their home country if they will not leave voluntarily. Decisions to detain or maintain detention are taken after careful consideration – and we are committed to treating all detainees with dignity and respect.”
A London pensioner, speaking on condition of anonymity with close links to black and ethnic minority communities, said:
“The Immigration Service is ruining people’s lives, breaking up families & stripping people of their income & networks of support.”
She detailed immigration’s pounce strategy, capturing people at random, bombarding them with impenetrable official language – often giving people 72 hours before deportation, no time at all to defend themselves or prove they hold a UK passport in some cases, never mind the lack of access to legal aid.
She spoke of the openly racist stance of detention centre staff, G4S, which Mr. Spooner also pointed out as prevalent, yet the privatised, low-waged untrained workers continue not to face reprimand.
From the dangerous journey by land or sea, rescues on European shores, migrant camps, processing centres or maybe detention, in the small possibility a migrant reaches the UK, it is impossible to document the traumatic and desperate plight of a migrant on their journey of hope, in one feature.
So, what else can be said of the migrant crisis that hasn’t already been said?
Ms. Armstrong said: “I haven’t got any ideas, I think we have to keep saying it.” With political deadlock from the Middle East to the West, the crisis continues…
This is my protest, his voice makes me cringe, darker days ahead and a return to days of George W. Bush-esque atmosphere for expats abroad to be ashamed and embarrassed to be American.
So what the hell happened? Channel 4’s John Snow pointed out the direct parallel with Brexit, vote to leave the EU – a flip-off to the establishment…
Yet what did it get us – yet an even worse deal of an unelected Tory government and a weakened/divided opposition.
A kick in the ass to the establishment is one thing, but a recipe for disaster is another.
Hahaha, too right and at the very least, in the run up to last year’s UK general election, we saw live debate from smaller parties across the board – not in America…
As the pendulum of either or politics has crashed to the right in the US – with a broken mechanism for real choice at its base, what will repair such a broken system?
The prevailing domino effect that always trickles to the rest of the world – firstly to the UK, will inevitably warrant campaign after campaign to keep Trump’s toxic ideologies and policies from resonating this side of the pond.
In the Guardian article here, Bernie Sanders says:” Donald Trump tapped into the anger of a declining middle class that is sick and tired of establishment economics, establishment politics and the establishment media.
People are tired of working longer hours for lower wages, of seeing decent paying jobs go to China and other low-wage countries, of billionaires not paying any federal income taxes and of not being able to afford a college education for their kids – all while the rich become very much richer…”
He carried on to mention tax avoidance – but hang on, hasn’t he just described what Trump blatantly represents – a billionaire who has flaunted tax avoidance for years, on a scale of it’s own proportion?
Sanders also mentioned vigorously opposing Trump’s sexist, racist and xenophobic ideals, meaning another four years of fight, fight, fight throughout the west – setting the stage for further conflict, intolerance – with an us-and-them strategy.
Thought I’d grab an afternoon nap – I couldn’t relax much during my acupuncture treatment, because I felt cold, so I went upstairs and lay down for a much-needed kip.
I snuggled down under the duvet and the cat came to join me as she often does – snuggling up right next to me.
I checked the watch on my bedside table – it was nearly half 5 and I didn’t want to sleep too late with things to do…
I quickly lapsed into a heavy settled sleep – I always sleep much better during the day.
The dream: my mother was back and in the house where I live now, she was as demented as ever.
My youngest sister was there and taunting me.
She took a phone call for me from some man I had met briefly – his name was complicated and different as he was Asian.
She said after taking the call: “Hmmm, maybe ‘I should call him’ – he sounds nice.”
I went to my room upstairs and, my kitchen radio was on the bedside table – blaring loud. Someone had been in there and left the radio on.
My mother was completely weird, she was naked and kept following me around with that unearthly banshee voice of hers – she kept taunting, putting herself right in front of me, rolling on the floor, walking up behind me; she was crazy, what an American would describe as like, mentally retarded.
I kept asking her to stop, to leave me alone, but the more I tried to get away from her, the more she persisted in harassing and provoking reactions out of me.
My sister did the same – my mother was directly influencing her. I went into my room and closed the door to get changed – I was meant to be going out.
Then my mother was in my room – she never came in there when I was changing, but this time she just barged in and wouldn’t leave.
I pushed her out the door, shut it, but there was a whole under the door handle – she stuck her arm through, laughing and taunting.
She kept putting her face right to mind – the way someone does when they want to kiss you, but she was just weird, sometimes sniffing me or rolling at my feet.
I again told her to ‘fucking stop’ but she just calmly said: “Nah…”
I grabbed her nose to push her face away, I pulled her hair – but this is what she wanted, to push me, to try an get an angry reaction.
My sister kept playing weird tricks like, putting another kitchen radio next to the one that was already there on the bedside table – she was naked as well – everyone in this horrid dream was naked.
A man appeared; he was tall, toned and good looking and naked.
He had a lot of body hair and kept doing what my mother was – getting in front of me, he was covered in swet.
I didn’t know who he was, but he too was under my mum’s spell to intimidate, but he was more sexual.
He wasn’t forceful, but almost.
I said to my mum and sister: “what the hell is this, some kind of test, pushing me – using me as some sick experiment?” they laughed, but knew I was on to them.
They were all around me, walking to and fro and I couldn’t get away from them – they wouldn’t get away from me. Sometimes the man was there, but it was mostly my sister and mother.
I couldn’t leave the house.
I almost thought I was awake, but I wasn’t, so I woke myself up to escape.
I thought it was much later in the evening, the dream seem to go on forever – I checked and the watch said 6 35 – it was only just over an hour’s worth of sleep and, I was back in bed with the cat.
Is the proposed scrapping of the Human Rights Act (HRA) a catalyst for staying in the EU?
Nikki Sharpe, a solicitor, former councillor and human rights campaigner said: ” I would say the two are interlinked – particularly under this government, you only have to look at the erosion of human rights.”
Simply put, the winners and losers in a replacement of the HRA,as described by Ms. Sharpe, would be those seemingly at the top, i.e. politicians and people with financial leverage, versus the losing poor and disenfranchised at the bottom.
“This is attributable to cuts in legal aid.”
According to Chambers Associate, legal aid was brought about in 1949 – allowing 80% of citizens access to the law. However, accessing legal aid was at 29% as of 2008.
Immigration/asylum cases have been at the forefront of cuts, while the Legal Aid Sentencing and Punishment of Offenders Act (LASPO) goes much further. The LASPO suggested cuts of 320M from 2014 and 220M each year by 2018. Article 6 of the act, the right to a fair trial, is compromised if one has no access to the funds to take a case to trial.
Both Ms. Sharpe and Alex Jagger, of Amnesty Sheffield point out many people have no knowledge of the HRA or how to access it.
Mr. Jagger said: “The Human Rights Act, is the British implementation of the European Convention on Human Rights (ECHR) and it really brought human rights on shore, as of 1998.”
He emphasised one had to apply to the European Court of Human Rights in Strasbourg after an initial hearing in the UK before the introduction of the act.
“As far as the British Bill of Rights – we don’t know anything about it, because the government hasn’t proposed anything.” Jagger said.
In a workshop led by Ms. Sharpe on 21st June 2016, it was reiterated how most ordinary people do not know where they stand with the law. It was pointed out our rights often hinge on whether one gets arrested or not. Ms. Sharpe stressed how organisations often bypass the HRA, such as local authorities.
She said it was more crucial than ever, that we fight for our human rights.
On 28 April of the same year, the Independent sited the crucial use of article 2 of the ECHR, the right to life, which gave pardon to the Hillsborough deaths in 1989.
The government are seemingly awaiting the outcome of the referendum. The Guardian’s Owen Bowcott, stressed how, within parliament there are fears of the damages on crucial political processes: such as the Good Friday Agreement, fighting international crime and the constitution itself, should the HRA be scrapped – therefore, there are few in favour.
Like many things, whether we leave or remain, the HRA is in jeopardy and will no doubt spark fierce opposition should the Tories try to replace it.
I am a single mum, severely visually impaired and have a son who is hearing impaired/partially sighted. Throughout my life I have always aspired big. I wanted to be good at something, whether it was contributing to society by helping to break down endless social barriers or being somehow in the public sphere.
After many colourful highs and lows, having my son, completing an international politics degree and other skill-building manoeuvres, I knew I wanted to be an independent advocate for others in similar circumstances to myself. Advocacy provides a voice to those less confident, less able to articulate themselves, or those who do not know their rights when facing barriers due to circumstance.
I had faced countless barriers with no choice but to self-advocate from an early age. Every time I moved to a different area since coming to the UK, I was faced with over-reactions and downright hostilities from local authorities, often mirrored within communities. I encountered shockingly blatant instances of discrimination, even within the voluntary sector. When I tried making advocacy available directly to disadvantaged people through various organisations, it was impossible to bypass co-ordinators who supposedly knew best.
Once successfully completing an eight-week business course, I began building my social enterprise, Barriers to Bridges. I knew that as an independent advocate, I wanted a not-for-profit framework, but I needed to earn a wage.
It must be pointed out how many people with additional needs opt for self-employment due to discrimination remaining so rife in this country. Government statistics say there are 11 million adults in the UK living with a disability. With rates of unemployment among people with additional needs double that of those with no significant additional needs, self-employment can provide alternative avenues for our population to enter the workplace or forge a satisfying and financially rewarding career.
Note that I have changed the wording of the above paragraph from the subordinating language of ‘disabled’ versus ‘non disabled’. There are volumes to be said on the use of more empowering language and associated implications.
Despite people with additional needs often turning to self-employment, it still must be highlighted how self-employment is twice as challenging if one needs additional support or resources.
Access to Work (AtW) is a wing of the Department for Work and Pensions providing assistive technology, personal assistants and some aspects of work-related travel to employees and entrepreneurs with additional support needs. When I was awarded help from AtW it gave me the vital ingredient to take on a part-time assistant to help with admin and other visual tasks.
Everything was going well, apart from the fact that I hadn’t made any revenue or sustainable income. In fact I had made losses, because any expenses came from my personal budget, which I was no longer able to afford.
My AtW adviser had originally stated there would be a review at the end of a year, which was standard practice for the scheme and, “all being well”, it could continue. But what he failed to tell me was that the fact I am receiving Employment Support Allowance (ESA) was a defining factor in whether or not I could continue to receive AtW. Within the space of a week, my crucial additional support was gone. The ruling surrounding AtW support was straight from government policy. I had not made an income in order to get off benefits, so nothing could be challenged. Having been rejected twice by project funders for my one-to-one advocacy project, everything has now come to a halt.
Naturally I was devastated and demoralised after all the hard work I had put into the business. Even a business starting up as a sole trader is not guaranteed to break even within one year. The government’s fixation with people coming off benefits has no sense of logic, certainly not for entrepreneurs facing a mountain of obstacles. I needed more time to build a client base and a track record.
In ‘daring to dream’ – not just the romantic ideals which mushroom in your head, but putting those dreams into pragmatic motion – you risk everything, including your integrity. You need guts and determination of steel.
I am exploring alternative directions to take the enterprise, cautiously hoping for a community media presence and other creative outlets, but I need collaboration with like-minded individuals and organisations. I am determined to provide a platform for marginalised communities in Sheffield.
The invisible veil of unspoken social barriers, presumptions, stigma and taboo is what shrouds those of us who have a visible difference or additional needs. These barriers are projected by, and often shield us from, the majority adult population, thus marginalising an entire section of society.
The majority of people often look upon those with additional needs as asexual – unaware of their own biological changes, nevermind acknowledging the same desires as everyone else. According to frank interviews and research for this piece, what was unearthed was the glaringly obvious truth.
It takes being considered as social material before one can get beyond first base in the big game of life. An interviewee who wished to remain anonymous stated how, as a visually impaired person, it’s almost impossible to make meaningful social connections in crowded or unfamiliar places because you are left waiting for someone to approach you, as the all-prevailing lack of eye contact seemingly rules in the watch-and-wait, look-and-smile category. On the flip side, people with no additional needs might lack the confidence or inclination to approach someone with a visible difference they have never experienced. It was also pointed out that if one finds it hard to get from A to B, then just getting out to socialise, let alone anything else, can render someone socially isolated.
The barriers faced by people with additional needs are constant and can vary depending on the nature of someone’s circumstances, so the natural desire to be socially included, liked or loved is often seen as secondary to someone’s supposed primary needs being fulfilled. A woman with additional needs on her own might face the double stigma of ‘what’s she doing here’ or ‘need any help, love?’ rather than a classic chat-up exercise. Any interaction is often functional, rather than social.Adolf D. Ratzka of the Independent Living Institute in Sweden forthrightly stresses that because people with additional needs are routinely portrayed as “objects of care or sick, how could they possibly be viewed as sexy?”
Marilyn M. Irwin of Indiana University rightly asserts how sex is still a taboo within society and often spoken in hush-hush circles. She says, “Add disability to the equation and myths about people with disabilities and sex abound. It is assumed people either aren’t interested or capable.”
It all starts with education – at home or school. Cultural blueprints may dictate whether or not sex will be discussed openly in the home, regardless of whether a child has additional needs or not. Young people still find out in the playground if a school only furnishes the reproductive facts. At specialist schools, societal assumptions and presumptions are mirrored both through parent’s increased anxieties and the school’s approach. Another interviewee pointed out that the approach of specialist schools is patchy at best in the sex ed department.
Sharon Rhodes, Pathway Leader for Life Skills at Communication Specialist College in Doncaster, explained that sex ed is not a straight-forward curriculum and widely varies according to a learner’s individual needs and level of understanding. Despite policies and the media opening up, Ms Rhodes points out the fact that “outside the college environment, the notion of young people as sexual beings is still viewed as disdainful. Parents often adopt the view that their youth are still small children needing to be taken care of, not real people with real needs.” The college will provide practical guidance for potentially sexually active couples, yet many specialist education providers have no sex ed programme at all, thus bypassing the issue.
With internalised oppression so deeply ingrained in our pecking order, perpetuating those with additional needs as the weakest in society, for those of us craving greater social and sexual inclusion it drowns out any calls for dignity, equality or acceptance as capable potential relationship material. It makes the job of levelling the playing field an uphill climb.
In short, with increased integration in schools and other areas of communities, things are changing, yet possibly too slowly for people’s immediate sexual needs.
Ratzka illustrated how people with physical difficulties often engage with sex workers for their relief: a mutually understood exchange between demonised individuals.
However, small initiatives at local level, such as supported nightclubs are making a difference.
I’m always astounded when I hear of the likes of Fleetwood Mac’s Christine McVie, Pink Floyd’s Roger Waters and others out there still touring, traipsing the world and playing their hearts out while pushing their seventh decade.
I just saw Courtney Love live on her UK tour; still ronching and shouting out that timeless passion and rage – pushing fifty…
My point is, at fourty-something, I still want to make a lifelong dream a reality and sing, write songs and perform them.
So, I recently not only put out ads and pounded some of Sheffield’s streets to pen ads on notice boards, I answered an ad – both came to nothing.
Of course the landscape of popular music is typically and tradditionally dominated by twenty-something-year-olds; male and, yep I’m gonna say it, clinging onto cool like a life raft!
So the lads I responded to sent me clips of their punky stuff – it was fine, but after they had described themselves as ‘all between twenty-four and twenty-six, I thought “hmmm, not sure”.
All I said in reply was: I’m slightly wary of my age, which maybe I shouldn’t have said, not actually revealing my age, but the result was: ‘we don’t think it would fit with us, thanks for your interest’.
Okay, so I’m a “late bloomer” and no, don’t really want to tag onto kids where I’m old enough to be their mum, but should age be the ultimate defining factor in considering the dynamics of a band?
I think not!
Of course we all need to creatively connect with like minds and commonalities.
Yes, I wanna sing about the constant barriers I face, loneliness, political decay and life experiences.
While I’m not held down by marriage, mortgage and keeping up with the Jones’ – I still have a life and want to keep it more colourful and vibrant than my eyes can see…
I won’t be adopting a folky, gently gently, guitar strum strum strummy persona with a flowing skirt; the caricature often taken on by more mature female singers. I won’t be blagging it with the mindless/shallow rinky dinky winky the younger girls seem to be happy with in what is so flippantly dubbed pop.
Nope, I’m a die hard, set in my ways and opinions; yet could diversify and cross genres.
I just wanna sing, rock and write the truth.
I have all the pent up passion and rage, moody melancholy and zeal that the big well-known die-hards possess.
Anyone care to join me? HAHAHA – I won’t hold my breath.
I still need a drummer, base and guitar – preferably mature (that could even mean mature-minded) with some commitment, willing to work, real and ready to rock.
On 25th of January in Greece, Syriza, a left-wing party, won the election – igniting widespread reaction, particularly on the left in the UK.
Background and austerity
Forming in 2004, Syriza evolved from a collection of left-wing groups upon the fall of Communism in 1989.
On a Socialist platform, they have challenged harsh austerity measures set out by the European Union and trans-national financial institutions.
Linda Duckenfield, sixty-seven, retired community education worker and Green Party parliamentary candidate for Sheffield southeast, said:” It was ‘smoke and mirrors’.
Even in 2007 austerity was a smokescreen devised by the capitalist speculators within the banking crisis on the money markets.” In reaction to the Greek election, she said: “It meant finally, a party could get passed the language of austerity and that’s what happened.”
The UK Left
Historically, the UK left has encountered huge challenges.
Similar to Syriza, the left comes with internal differences in tactics and a contrasting revolutionary versus transitional approach.
The four main Socialist parties in the UK are: the Socialist Party (SP, formerly militant, established in 1991) the Socialist Worker’s Party (SWP, formed in the 1950s as a revolutionary group) the Green Party (originally the Ecology Party) and the Communist Party of Britain (formed in 1920 from a collective of Marxist organisations).
These parties mentioned were born out of frustration with Labour, which is widely recognised as disassociating itself with the union movement it came out of – adopting a more right-wing model.
Thatcherism, which introduced some of the toughest anti-union laws, the defeat of the minor’s strike and recent youth riots in 2011; are just some of the setbacks endured by the British working-class.
Alistair Tice, organiser for the Socialist Party in Sheffield, said: “despite the student’s, TUC and pensions demonstrations, within days of the heightened mood the right-wing moderate trade union leaders, sold out on the pensions deal; thus leading to disempowering the electorate once again.”
The upshot of collective struggle and need for a new worker’s alternative, was the forming of the Trade Union Socialist Coalition (TUSC) in 2011.
Initiated by the Railway Maritime Transport (RMT) union, so far TUSC is made up of the RMT, the SP, SWP and a handful of breakaway Labour counsellors.
Unfortunately, TUSC has not yet secured full backing from the unions, a vital political/financial ingredient.
Despite this, Mr. Tice has pointed out how TUSC has stood 560 council candidates nationally; in last May’s local elections, quadrupling previous years.
He said: “With these significant gains, it does not mean TUSC will be in power, but it shows the need for an alternative, as well as how quickly things can change.”
He cited how in 2009, Syriza won less than 5% of the vote, clenching a victory within 6 years.
With our general election looming, in Sheffield alone, TUSC has parliamentary candidates standing in all the parties highlighted, including the Greens; standing candidates for all of the twenty-eight wards, a true reflection of discontent with the main parties.
Mr. Tice stressed the need for councils to challenge austerity.
Sheffield has experienced some of the worst austerity as the gap between the fortunate and impoverished has widened in the last eight years, according to a Sheffield University study.
However, David Blunkett, Labour MP for Sheffield’s Hillsborough and Brightside, said the UK economy was picking up – being partially redeemed through the banking sector; thus off-setting some austerity measures.
By contrast, facing extreme austerity, Greece’s Syriza has opened the flood gates for change.
Jay Williams, district coordinator for the SWP, said: “I think that Syriza represents the politics of hope…”
Being of a Pagan persuasion, I believe our life on this earth has evolved from a previous journey and will evolve to another journey when our life is finished here.
My journey in this life began on the 18th of March 1967 in Laguna Beach California.
I was born to a father who rejected me and didn’t want to know anything of my mother, so would grow up with a single mother of four other sisters.
From the beginning, my childhood was tough, lonely and blighted with being severely visually impaired and all of the struggles it came with.
I struck out on my own at seventeen – leaving a dysfunctional and volatile family life behind me.
Yet, having to be self-reliant and resourceful all my life, I adapted well to the responsibilities and challenges of adult life on my own.
At nineteen I went back to California, after having been schooled in my adoptive step dad’s native Texas.
I got jobs, shared apartments and maintained loose contact with family – keeping my mother at arm’s length.
After landing a good job doing data entry for Recycler Publications, a free-ads paper for people selling anything from antique collectables to cars, I made contacts, in the form of pen pals, via the sister paper, Loot in London, UK.
Any social life I might have had at the time was fragmented, but I met an English guy at a house party one night.
Martin from Portsmouth, a dark wavy-haired charm of a guy, gave me just enough attention that I sought him out, but as was my usual misfortune with men; he ‘really didn’t want to know’.
What he had told me though, planted a seed he’ll never know was planted.
He told me how, he would work enough to travel, work some more at whatever job he could, then travel back to England to save up more to travel again.
His adventurous spirit awoke in me, my own lust for adventure; a part of myself I never knew existed.
So, any lusting I had for Martin was forgotten as I pursued travelling to the UK, where I had read Harlequin novels in braille as a teenager and only imagined getting out of a place I never felt a part of.
Journey to a new life
When I came to the UK the first time, it was for a long two-month holiday and I was able to take up the newspaper job when I went back.
In coming the second time though, I had planned to stay for good and never looked back!
The first time, I had met the pen pals I had regular contact with and the ones who sounded the most sane.
I didn’t plan a thing and was very much the awkward American, who spoke too blunt/honestly and lacked the art of British subtlety.
Yet at the same time, somehow I had been before.
At the time I didn’t know when or why – it wasn’t just that I had read about it – I had been here before.
When I went back, all I could think of, was being in England, a pub on every corner, the contrast between regions, as I had spent time in London, Liverpool and Manchester during my holiday.
I was flabbergasted at the diversity of people and vibrancy of places – places which were old and steeped in history and character.
Nothing was the same for me and, I just had to get back.
When I returned the second time, I knew I was coming home. I had sold all of my furniture, quit my job at the Recycler and scraped all my savings and income tax return.
I had secured a 6-month work visa via BUNAC (a work abroad/exchange programme) and that was it; nothing was stopping me.
When I went back after the first time, California and everything I knew, hadn’t moved and seemed so predictable, colourless and steeped in convention; what the hell did I have to lose? – I certainly had everything to gain.
Little did I know, what I would gain is uncharted prejudices, a ‘cannot do’ blanket of cloud and a new life of fresh hell.
London life was dogma and full of twists and turns.
I met interesting people, but all the sudden my identity was in question. I had never been called ‘disabled’ or seemingly evoke repelling reactions from people to my visual impairment.
I was refused jobs with the patronising: “how will you make the stairs love?”
Looking for a room to rent, I would travel across London on a transport system completely foreign to me, yet liberating, just to get: “Uh, no, it’s not here, it’s taken…”
The spinster-type middle-aged woman at the YWCA hostel I stayed at in central London during my job hunt, sparked a hostile reaction to me, citing – they weren’t ‘warned’.
I had never experienced so much discrimination and adverse reaction.
I constantly heard: “Are you alright?” while walking downs a street, so I thought, shit! Do I have a wart on my forehead or what???
The years paraded past, yielding further sensory loss, one emotional upset after another. There was no ‘big adventure’ in my new life – it had just become this game of win or lose, prove myself or be disproven – try, or weather the trial…
In the midst of it all, I had met an expat who gave me some tips on legalising – so, I followed them, pretty much down to the letter. Yet, it would be three years and a relentless game of cat-and-mouse with immigration, becoming homeless, suffering a miscarriage through an abusive relationship and eventually becoming pregnant with my only son and soulmate, before the next phase.
My journey with Jasper
Coming off benefits and becoming homeless was such a senseless sacrifice. The cat-and-mouse game with immigration wasn’t going well and becoming homeless meant squatting in North London and selling the Big Issue street paper.
I was desperate though, to this day I could never put into a coherent explanation, but I just ‘had to’ get what I wanted – British residency, despite the damning discrimination and, eventually, to spite my bloody sanity…
I had gone from selling the Issue to begging for beer money down along Camden canal – on the way to my favourite biker pub.
There was a one-night stand that would change my life forever, an unwanted encounter with a platonic friend, then the suicide attempt.
The blatant discrimination for such a crap job, was just too much to bear and the last straw…
Then it happened; I found out I was pregnant during a computer course and the post trauma of being suicidal and hospitalised; it was from that one nighter with the guy in the Holey Arms (biker pub).
It took a month to trace him, but I found him – the intelligent yet arrogant guy I had met.
He knew what I had to say and, he insisted I say it in front of his dopey mate outside a gay pub in Camden Town.
Just before going to live in Brighton, to escape the noose closing in on me in London, I felt him kick.
I first stayed with some friends of Matt’s (my baby’s father) then, I was nearly eight months pregnant before being rehoused in a grotty studio flat in Brighton’s North Lanes.
Then he came to me, at 2.55 a.m via an induced birth – my Jasper came to save me in the dead of winter, December, 1996…
With curly thick brown hair and slightly lighter skin than my own olive, he was tiny but strong.
The fact that, he too is visually impaired broke my heart, but at the same time, it was so natural to me.
Matt blamed me and struck up a blazing argument, fifteen minutes after I gave birth – nearly ruining the most important day of my life.
I gained my residency when Jasper was three months old, we moved from the grotty studio with no proper heating, to a nice maisonette and the next several years were triumphant, but the pain and loneliness lingered like my shadow.
When he was nearly six, I moved us to Mid Wales and did a degree in international politics.
Finally, something ‘just for me’ and the biggest challenge I had taken on sense becoming a single mum.
I finished with a second place degree result and left Wales and the people with their hostility towards us, fully intact.
Jasper had gone away to a special school in Manchester. Not only was he partially sighted, but deaf.
He had only spoken a few times during his toddler years, but then, the glue ear, the neurological damage, the endless hearing tests and his absent speech development – by that time, I think I was just numb.
The other huge burden which was seemingly born out of leaving Brighton, was the utter antagonism by local authorities.
Every time I changed areas, each council was worse than the one before.
Shamanic journeys and revelation
In the year 2000, before moving to Wales, Jasper and I had travelled to an off-grid community in Wales.
He was not quite three and by that time, we had lived in an eco-community, travelled through Ireland, to various eco-conscious festivals/gatherings and gone to road protests and demos.
The reception we got at this community in West Wales, was unfriendly, silent and lurking with Chinese whispers.
Yep, a single mum ‘with a visual impairment’ and kid with special needs in tow, dared to step out of the conventional life and penetrate their precious little insular world.
Despite this, a couple introduced themselves, who didn’t live in the community.
They were kind of special in their own right, because she did dousing with rods – answering life’s hard questions and he was a shaman.
They had invited Jasper and I to their home for some spiritual sessions while Jasper played with their children.
Howard was in charge of the kids while Beth spent time with me and the dousing.
Then it was Howard’s turn to do the shamanic journey with me – the thing I really anticipated.
I just counted backward from ten, but there was no trance-like state. I could still hear the kids down stairs and was aware of everything.
The first part of the journey, was just my spirit and completely non-physical.
I had travelled backward from the California desert, to the sea, crossing the sea and ending up on an overcast, green island.
It was England or maybe France in the European continent?
No, I was pretty sure it was England; probably where I really came from.
My real father, who I never knew, was French and my mother knew nothing of his ancestry.
The second part of my journey, was more physical – coming into a solid, jungled place.
A little boy appeared by my side, it was Jasper.
In this journey from another life and time, he was not my son, but I befriended him, gave him an apple and we went skipping off together through the trees – swept away on the breeze and into the past.
At the end of it, I of course was reeling from disbelief.
Had my imagination just concocted this whole farfetched thing?
“No” Howard had said.
I told them both how, it was all like memories which were always there, but just hadn’t been tapped into yet.
It took very little to reach out to these journeys; so, it all fit together: I ‘had been to England before’ and, Jasper was my soul mate, which I always knew anyway…
These days
Life is as hard as an uphill climb with a ton of weight on my back.
Jasper is a generally happy young man – toting a beard and always a hoody and big boots.
His anxieties have increased along with his OCD tendencies, obsessions and other fascinations.
His Sagittarian fire has erupted at me in the worse way on many occasions – landing me across the room and shaken.
Now living in Sheffield, the worse possible harassment from the likes of social services have pushed me over the edge.
Jasper and I only get support which is funded, so I have many demons and untameable monsters.
On a brighter note, I’m engaged in a master’s degree in journalism.
After a failed business, which only received negative responses and no funding for the advocacy scheme I wanted to offer, I decided to answer to my passion for writing, as I have always had an inquisitive mind.
My mother never encouraged us to go after our dreams or question the world, so we’ve had to muddle our way through.
As I write this piece in Brighton, my place of Pagan roots, it is beckoning me back, so I think I’ll succumb
Although Jasper hasn’t found his niche, I have hope that, with the right help, therapy and communication, he might let go of his self-defeating stubbornness.
Then again, he’s a chip off a stubborn block…
I’m like the proverbial soldier – fighting, fighting fighting; trying, trying and trying…
While the road ahead for us both is uncharted and scary, I’ll have the hand and heart of my lifelong friend and soulmate, to walk with, when the wind blows hard and the journey becomes treacherous.
Persistence pays in unlocking doors of opportunity – if the door is locked, grab the key and open it.
“Your team make you sound ‘amazing’ – Love your team, love your audience.”
Breaking into broadcasting is more challenging than it seems. Just getting a foot in the door sometimes means breaking it down… Months was spent in hot pursuit of my opportunity as a Sheffield Live co-presenter, but then it happened.
Dawn Sanders on air, Studio 1 at Sheffield Live
A good presenter
Philo Holand, forty-seven, a broadcast journalist at the BBC and lecturer at Sheffield Hallam University said, a good presenter needs to have a supple mind, and constantly engage their audience in what they say – quick to respond and able to take what comes their way.
He said: “The worst kind of presenter will say exactly what you would expect them to and never surprise you.”
Sounding the part is often more easily said than done, especially if you haven’t found interesting material for a show.
Different people like different things.
Jenny Cork, broadcast journalist/producer for BBC radio Sheffield, said: “If you look at someone like Chris Evans, he’s just ridiculously popular – so he certainly would have some kind of X-factor. For me, the X-factor is someone who is warm, maybe I might want to go down to the pub with.”
She talked about marmite presenters who rub someone the wrong way – which she said, might be good, showing strength of character.
Dawn Sanders to the right, Jenny Cork at centre.
Mark, 52, from the LP record store, stressed a presenter should be passionate and know their facts.
When sampling the opinion of students, Harry said he didn’t like presenters who shouted a lot and played sound effects, dissolving the notion that all young people want obnoxious animated presenters.
Kerry liked someone with a nice voice, interested in things around them and didn’t talk about themselves too much.
Yet, several students subscribed to the expectation of their generation by saying they did not listen much at all to the radio – favouring Spotify.
A dying medium?
Despite the Spotify contingency, radio as a traditional medium remains strong. Lynn Cox, arts coaching trainer and visually impaired entrepreneur, said: “Otherwise why would you have BBC radio 4 extra’s back catalogue of old comedies?”
Music
Philo pointed out, presenting music depends on the programme. Some programmes have more time to delve into detail, such as the production or who played bass.
He cites BBC 6 Music as an example: “They know their audience are musos, they want that slightly raincoat knowledge about the artist…
“But this is a special niche, most listeners of mainstream radio, just want it as a companion.”
But broadcaster Jenny Cork spoke of how Sheffield Live had a privileged position in showcasing local bands, connecting with and celebrating music of various communities.
She said there was a luxury in being in such a musical city and how BBC Sheffield were fairly restricted in presenting music as they provide a public service of news coverage.
Seemingly, there are two main camps of listeners: those who just want background music and the more serious listener, who appreciates talk radio – addressing various issues.
Tackling issues means conducting interviews which is another one of the many heads of multi-tasking Jenny mentioned.
Lynn Cox, an experienced interviewer, thought open-ended questions are important, allowing the guest to elaborate, rather than being confined to yes or no answers.
Jenny Cork emphasised the necessity for cohesive relations between presenter and team: “Don’t upset your team. Your team make you sound ‘amazing’. Love your team, love your audience.
Breaking into community radio has been a huge step for me in creating a multi-media platform as a budding journalist.
In the first weeks it was hard to relax and I said “you know” too much, but I’m gaining confidence and getting there…
